What my clients have taught me

I was very impressed with the wisdom of an eight year old girl I worked with.  She told me "People make bad choices if they're mad or scared or stressed."  
"Wow" I said, "That's great."

"I know" she said, "it's from Frozen; the Trolls sang it."

I tried using a metaphor with a wonderfully precocious 9 year old girl.  I described family life as a bit like being in a boat. The idea being that you're stuck together so you might as well make it as good as it can be.

"Yes" she said, "and ours is The Life of Pi."


In a parenting group I tried to explain the solution focused idea that in amongst negatives, positives can be found.  

I said "it's a bit like looking out at you back garden and seeing lots of weeds.  Then you notice some roses are flowering, and you push the weeds back, and enjoy their beauty."  

One of the women in the group said, "Andrew, I go to my back door and look out at my garden and say I'm going to slab the lot of it."

A seven year old lad told me he hated school; he was being bullied.  "They kick up" he said.  I made a suitable escansed expression and asked him how it made him feel.  With great expression he said "Angry".  "And what to you do?" I asked.  "I kick 'em back", he said with satisfaction.  "Now, now" said his disapproving mother, sitting near by.  "What did I tell you?  "Oh yes", he said , "wait until the teachers not looking and then kick 'em back".

One young man, let's call him Oscar, came into my clinic room and immediately slumped on a chair.  He then began breathing deeply and emitted a light snore.  I sat down and watched this for a while.  Eventually I suggested to Oscar that he appeared to be very tired.  Oscar opened one eye and said, no, he was not tired. It was just that he knew visiting me was going to be a complete waste of time so he thought he would make the most of the visit by catching up on sleep.

I once made the fatal mistake of trying to catch hold of a boy in my clinic room who had been kicking furniture and was about to run off.  I didn't catch him, and my attempt ensured that he ran off like the clappers.  I said to his father that I would call him on the phone the following day to check how things had gone, and he sped off after his son.  Then I remembered that the following day was a 'teacher day' and as Margaret was a teacher, it would be me looking after Joanna, aged 3 and Elizabeth aged 5. Still, I thought, I can call the father from my home and be true to my word.  I settled down in our siting room, phone in hand and called the father.  Just then, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Elizabeth and Joanna making their way to the front door.  Elizabeth opened it and pushed Joanna forward.  I heard her say, "run away now, as fast as you can."  I quickly apologised to the father and abruptly put the phone down before streaking off out of the down and down the road after Joanna muttering, "you think you've got problems."