The story of brain architecture is that the amygdala (from almond) is first in on the act. This 'centre of the brain' receives messages from all senses, and does an initial risk assessment. Immediately the protective army is either put on alert or stood down. A fraction of a second later, the command structures are involved in the cortex, and a decision is made as to the appropriateness of the action. But often the initial action has taken it's own course, and other factors from history have already come into play. Michel Foucault warns again the tyranny of history, that distorts a true perception of the present.
Thus innocuous comments are misconstrued through the application of past history (in both directions). No one is ever that innocent.
My motive may come from frustration and helplessness. I convert this into a mild suggestion, which is immediately read as a put down. A cycle of miscommunication.
Best to make no presumptions and start any sentence about feels with the simple word 'I'. That is it.
Michel Foucault Quotes
“People know what they do; frequently they know why they do what they do; but what they don't know is what 'what they do' does.”
― Madness and Civilization: A History of Insanity in the Age of Reason
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