Man to Man

From The Swaddle- Indian Health,
Gender and sexuality Magazine.

I remember traveling with my wife’s cousin Dave and his family to a wedding.  On the journey we listened to Radio 5 Live - to the sport!  I realised what little opportunity I have had to do these ‘manly things’.  My three girls would not countenance listening to ‘sport’ in the car.  I have long been in a minority of one.

In 2019 Caroline Criado Perez wrote a book called “Invisible Women: Exposing Data Bias in a World Designed for Men.”  In it she showed how many every day devices have been designed for the average man, rather than ‘person’.  This got me thinking.  In my world there is a lot that is designed primarily for women, not men.  When I visit a school, the signing in machine takes a picture of my upper chest, rather than my face.  Many of the children centres I visit have posters extolling the virtue of breast feeding – ‘inadequacy provoking’ messages for men.  My FIAT 500 is clearly not designed for me.  I cannot see the speedometer because the steering wheel is in the way.  So perhaps the opposite position exists, but I reflect that most of these things are mild inconveniences, with no element of power associated with them. 

The men that talk about male emasculation are reacting to changes, or shifts towards greater equality of power; fearing the eventual dominance of women over men.  They seem to forget to notice how far along this scale we have come; not that far.  For example 20% of professors in British universities are women.  35% of MPs are now women.  And this proportion is consistent across society.  Of course statistics are complex.  Often women take career breaks to care for children, and may not actually desire perches at the top of the tree.  Is the measure for equality that women must hit the 50:50 mark?  69% of Head teachers are women though this reduced to 38% when considering secondary schools alone.  

Worries about damaged masculinity are similar to fears about the loss of English culture to multiculturism, or family values to Gay rights.  They overlook the fact that other cultures are much more significantly impacted by the dominant culture around them, and far more at risk.  The homosexual population was recently measured by the UK Office of National Statistics at 3.1%.  This is a tiny minority who can only ever have a minute impact on ‘family values’ (whatever they are).  We have seen what majority cultures do in the UK with the slow disappearance of Cornish as a language.

So what has changed?

Men have changed.  More men choose to care for their children.  More men share childcare.  More men are willing to do ‘female dominated professions’, such as nursing and caring. 

Women have changed.  With the advent of power tools such as tractors, women do not need the physical strengthen demanded of many jobs in the past.  Like the message presented in 2016 science fiction novel called ‘The Power’ by Naomi Alderman, women do have some redress to violence committed against them by some men. 

Colonel Jamila Bayaz, Kabul’s first female Police Chief appointed during freer days, was asked how she stayed safe in a city where many did not accept her authority.  She replied that “Men do what I say when they see that I carry a gun, and am prepared to use it.”

Sex equality has largely progressed because women have demanded it.  This is despite that fact that equality ultimately benefits all in the long run.

Gender and Race (based on skin tone) are both subconsciously detected from earliest youth.  This can be noticed when an initial supposition of race or gender is found to be incorrect.  My dual-heritage friend with a very British sounding name as told me of many a time people have confided racist opinions in him, without realising how personally insulting they were being.  So noticing gender has a biological premise.  Alfred Kinsey, born 1894 in America, was famous for developing the ‘Kinsey Scale’, that posited that everyone has masculine and feminine sexuality to some degree and these fit roughly onto a scale.  Kinsey developed a scoring system to determine where you fit on the scale.  It is a free test available online at https://www.idrlabs.com/kinsey-scale/test.php

Snell, Belk and Hawkins (1986) published a measure to identify Masculine and feminine traits, and behaviours.  Looking back 40 years reveals that these concepts are socially determined and may now appear dated.

Across history we see times when Masculinity and Femininity swing into dominance.  During the time of Henry VIII, the large prominent cod piece as all the rage.  When Queen Bess came to the throne, the cod piece became a rather flat ‘fish like’ thing.  Women have long been told to wear dresses in the West, but upper-class Georgian men showed off their fine legs, and wore make up.

These days, women can be ‘masculine’ without much ado.  Female clothing included ‘boy-friend jeans’, and shirts that button as male shirts are supposed to.  From the 60’s some men have reached out towards feminine designs too.  Currently there is a move to lower the status of gender.  “I am first a person and second a male/female.”  Is that a problem?

I think that the talk about ‘gender’ is often nothing to do with gender.  I think it is more to do with an inner sense of insecurity, both within the individual, and also within groups.  Young people find that as individuals they feel insignificant.  They have little power, authority or wealth.  ‘Together’, in a gang, there is a sense of shared power.  The mood, attitude and behaviour of the group can often be secondary to this.  If the group has a good spirit, all well and good.  If it is malevolent, the worse aspects of masculinity are manifest.