What do Carers Say they Need?

 

Sara Challice in her book “Who Cares?” (2024) says:

1) Carers need to first realise that they are carers.

2) Carers may think they are coping, when gradually,

     over time, they are not. Carers need to work out what

     they are doing, and make sure they are not creating

    co-dependence.

3) Carers need to talk and express how they are feeling.

4) Carers need a break.

Familiar themes from research are that carers need

1) To be heard, and receive an emotional and kind response.

2) To be informed (useful, timely, accessible information).

3) To be given practical support. 

Who is a Carer?

 

Young Carers Action Day Credit Creatarts.org.uk

Discussion

      Ø    Are you a carer? 

Ø    Have you been a carer? 

Ø    Might you become a carer?

Ø    Who in your family is a carer?

Ø    What are the care needs of your family?

Ø    How do you feel about this?

Preparing for Family Network Meetings

 Hindi Proverb

“But I have always loved my cow”

Imagine the scene.  A traffic jam; Car horns honking; people leaning out of windows exclaiming!  Worried locals looking frantically for Farmer Ajit. 

“Ajit, Ajit, your cow has sat down in the middle of the  highway and can’t be moved.

 The place has come to a  stand still.”

Calmly, Ajit stops what he is doing and walks purposefully towards the hubbub.  He gets down on his haunches and stretches his arm around his cow.  Gently he takes hold, and starts to lift up the cow. He inches step by step over to the side of the road and places the cow gently down.  The cow blinks its large eyes.  Immediately the roar of the traffic starts up again.  The people stand back in awe.  

“How did you do that Ajit?” they exclaim. 

“Oh, it’s nothing”, retorts Ajit.

“From a little calf, I have always loved my cow.  Everyday I tend to her needs and care for her.  From a young calf, I have  picked her up and carried her where she  needs to go.  

And today is no different.”

Watsan Walk for Water 21st June 2025

 Dear Friends and Family of the Leicester Starrs,

This is my information drop to tell you that I am facilitating a 16 mile walk in the Charnwood Hills of Leicestershire. 

We do this every two years to raise money for a Ugandan based water project called Watsan www.watsanuganda.org  

If you are willing and able. you are invited to join us on Saturday 21st June 9:30 at the Altar Stones in Markfield https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Altar_Stones_Nature_Reserve  LE67 9PX.

If you live miles/kms away, think of us on the 21st June.  

And yes, it would be very kind of you to support our fundraising efforts for our partners in Uganda doing the real work. 

https://www.stewardship.org.uk/pages/Starrs4water

Happy Easter

Christ Pantokrator in the apse of
the Cathedral of Cefalù, Sicily, Italy. 
Credit: Wikipedia

What do I need to do to live?  Eat and drink?  Well that's a good start.  But Jesus said...

"People do not live by eating bread alone, but on every word that comes from the Father."  

Jesus said to the woman at the well, "water can satisfy you for a moment, but I can give you living water that will mean that your needs will be met forever."

When we take Jesus' body and blood, we do not just revere it, sniff it, or genuflect before it.  We eat it and drink it.  It become part of our bodies and blood.  It mixes into to our whole existence and becomes undisguisable from our substance.  

We must do this, as Jesus insisted with Peter when he washed his friends feet, "I must wash your feet - it's essential."  

We understand and accept that we need Jesus to feed us, sustain us, provide all the nutrients we need to grow, and thrive. We are like so many young babies who are solely dependent on their mother's milk.

We do more than accept and obey; we are grateful, and honour our loving creator who has shown us how to live life to the full.

PRAYER: This Easter day I re reaffirm my vow, to honour, love, trust and obey you forever.

Lent 40 - Life giving II

L'amitié by Pablo Picasso
The hermitage, St Petersburg
Credit: en.wikipedia.org

“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. This is my command: Love each other." John 15

 One of the special things about the Creator's love for us, is that we can come boldly into their presence.

I am reminded of my friend who I was due to meet me on Friday, but forgot.  It struck me that this is a sign that our friendship is secure, because he was appropriately  not that concerned.  He knew that it will not affect our friendship.  It's the same with God.  I can be late, forgetful or annoying (though not advised), and do not need to fear any consequence, because the Creator makes themselves vulnerable to my imperfection.  They love me warts and all.

If I am late, am I fearful of disapproval?  Or do I genuinely not want to inconvenience my friend out of love?  Same with my Creator.  I am the mouse that runs across the great lion Aslan's paw, without a pause, and without fear. 

PRAYER:  Thank you for your great love that knows no bounds.

Lent 39 - Life Giving (Good Friday)

 

Desconsuelo by Eduardo Kingman
Credtarthistoryproject.com

 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:37-39 

A colleague recently reminded me of CS Lewis' book "A Grief Observed".   I wondered whether God felt the condition described by Lewis.  I pondered that when Jesus' died, did God the Father experience the dagger sink into the heart?  Did God have to be dragged into the church by two friends, either side, like my friend Doreen did when her son died?  Did God spontaneously burst into howling tears just because a thought flitted across his mind about his son and how he might have saved him, like my friend David did?  

Lewis says...

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing.

At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting. Yet I want the others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me.”  ― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

Lewis continues... 

“We were promised sufferings. They were part of the program. We were even told, 'Blessed are they that mourn,' and I accept it. I've got nothing that I hadn't bargained for. Of course it is different when the thing happens to oneself, not to others, and in reality, not imagination.” ― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

God has the advantage of having seen the 'film' many times before'.  The emotion is still the same, but point of the pain is understood, and whole picture is seen. The pain is endured within the context of joy.  We do not see from this perspective, but we know someone who can.  Let us stay close to that someone.

PRAYER: Nothing will separate me from your love!

Lent 38 - Complete II (Maundy Thursday)

 

By Betsy O'Neil
Credit: betsyoneilfineart.com

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:37-39  

It is difficult to talk about God's love having been to the funeral of a friends' 19 year old son who took his life on Christmas Eve.   

An agonising 'Why?' ripped out across the assembled people.  Is 'God loves you' consoling?  Does God understand the 'dagger in the heart' experience of this type of bereavement?  

The service was delayed by 30 minutes because the parents were too distraught to enter the church. The mother had to be carried in by two friends. 

It was a wonderful experience.  No one wanted to be there, but no one could do anything other than be there.  The pain and question had to be brought out into the open and laid out before the people, and before God.  

God's love is complete.  It's not just for happy carefree days, when nothing is going wrong.  It's also for these excruciating bleeding days.

PRAYER:  I ask you to help my friends carry the question 'why?' with grace and peace.

Lent 37 - Complete

 

Treasure from Dublin's Chester Beatty Library.
Credit magnoliabox.com

The Lord appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you. Jeremiah 31:3

Does this reminds you of the father in the prodigal son story? Prodigal comes from the word prodigious, or lavish.  I like the idea that the son was hedonistically lavish in his dispensing of wealth.  His Father was generously lavish in his dispensing of love.  True love is not dependent on the attitudes and behaviours of others.   True love sets us free.  

PRAYER: Your faithfulness gives me all I need to live life to the full.

Lent 36 - Significance II

The Starry Night by Vincent Van Gough (1889)
Museum of Modern Art, New York

In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. 1 John4 10-12

Nothing can change the fact that we are loved.  I always knew that my parents loved me.  I took that for granted, but it was only when I was in hospital having a melanoma removed that I really understood it.  I remember thinking, "my goodness, it's true."  And it can be like that with our Creator.  Something happens and our eyes are opened.  We see and feel and know that we are loved.  It took something big to open my eyes, and often this is the case with our Lord and Creator of all things.  Like the constancy of life on earth, living, breathing and having our being, is the constant background of being loved, cherished, celebrated.  

PRAYER:  I need to know I am loved, and you have made me sufficient.  Your love is in me.

Lent 35 - Significance

Grand Prismatic Spring- Yollowstone National Park
By paulreiffer.com

 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. 1John 4: 7-9

It could be so simple.  As I often think, all the problems of the world (pretty much) could be sorted but by an averagely intelligent loving 12 year old.  The solutions are obvious and possible. Food for all.  Respect, and care for all.  Liberty, fraternity and egality.  That is how it was supposed to be, back then.  A beautiful garden.  Jumping from a high rock, hand in hand,  into a pool of warm clear water.  Laughter, singing, reciting poetry into the evening.

But no, instead we chose to suffer, and alienate ourselves from our Creator.  The Creator does not change, and we can come back.  One day we believe we will be back, back there, right at the beginning.

PRAYER:  I abide in you, and as the vanity of our folly sinks into the freezing ocean, I abide with you.

Sixth Sunday in Lent

 

The Ten Commandments by Lucas Cranach the Elder (workshop of)
Credit: Stiftung Luthergedenkstätten in Sachsen-Anhalt, Wittenberg.

Lent 34 - Wonderful II

 

Jonathan Jacoby - 
greatbigphotographyworld.com

God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. 1 John 4 16-17

How do I know that God loves me?  How do I know that anyone loves me?  It is by their actions, their attitudes, there emotions and their thoughts.  This is actually all I need to know.   St Augustine famously is quoted as saying "Love God and do as you please." (Rough translation.)  What about the opposite.  "God loves me so I can do anything."  By this I mean I am free, and not constrained.  The Spirit is within me, so I am only really able to do what is sympathetic to the Spirt of God.  I know that the Spirit of God will not die when this body dies, and will be with me forever.

PRAYER:  I make more space for you in my heart.

Lent 33 - Wonderful

 

Wonderful Life II - Print from 
theprintemporium.com.au 

 The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. Zephaniah 3:17 

What is life all about?  Why are we here?  I have an image of arriving at the pearly gate only to be met by Jesus.  He will smile and enquire, was it good?  Did you enjoy your life?  I really wanted it to be amazing, was it?

PRAYER: Thank you for you wonderful love that constantly amazes me.

Lent 32 - Casts out Fear II

Mural designed by Alphonso Mucha created for the Lord Mayor's Hall,  Prague.
Credit:  I've forgotten - sorry

 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us. 1John 18-19

There are many moments in history when 'fear' is overcome.  There is a national celebration; a moment of collective euphoria.  Sometimes the nation celebrates in 'Thanksgiving'.  Sometimes with a monument.  My picture today by Alphonso Mucha celebrates the invention of Czechoslovakia after the First World War. This was 'the war to end all wars' of course.  The feeling of joy can last a while.  But like the weather, it can turn, and fear resurfaces, and pours like a dirty stream of evil through the street.

We are not alone.  Like a small child walking through a bustling market of traders, strangers and animals (I'm not thinking of a UK market), we hold tight to the hand descending from above.

 

PRAYER: Together we can do anything.

Picture in situs credit:damyantoursprague

Prague Municipal Hall: Credit TripAdvisor

Lent 31 - Casts out Fear

Apologies if this image is sacrilegious.
Liberty is angry.  

    

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

so great is his love for those who fear him;

12 

as far as the east is from the west,

    so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

Psalm 103:11-12

Is the word Fear a contronym? "Fear of the Lord vs casts out 'fear'." 

Most 'fear' is seen to relate to fear of death.  Much of it is unfounded.  I have only recently realised that the way to deal with the miniscule pain inflicted by a needle is to allow the pain to exist, and appreciate it.  It is there for a good reason and I am thankful that I experience pain.  What a mercy.

But there are many real fear, often associated with 'fear of death'.  I noticed when I experienced two threats to my life from melanoma, that I was also give the greatest gift I could possibly be given at the same time.  This is an almost complete absence of 'fear of death'.  It would be most inconvenient and upsetting of course, but  it does not have any control.  I did have a fleeting fear of death when I looked out over the wooded hills of Arkansas from a tiny single prop aeroplane, with just rushing air, and Dustan (instructor) strapped to my back, complete with his parachute. 

PRAYER: I may feel fear, but I know I am safe with you.

Lent 30 - Love never Fails

 

Jakub Stefansk

The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. Zephaniah 3:17 

The lord loves us.  In the West we tend to focus on 'me' as an individual.  But just as important is me as a community.  The English language does not help us her, because the singular and the pleural and not specified.  The Lord has saved us.  He rejoices over us.  Our community spirt is quietened.  As we join together in worship, listen to the choirs of angels we join.

PRAYER:  Perfect love is a duet of equality.  Dare we believe that you have made us your equal?

Lent 29 - Love never Fails

Harold Gilman 
Credit: Gallerythane.com

 But Zion said, “The Lord has forsaken me,  the Lord has forgotten me.” 

“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!
See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me. Isaiah 49:15

The people feel forsaken, but they are not.  The baby cries out in panic.  "Have you forgotten me?  You are not here, and it is dark, the middle of the night. Come quickly"  The invisible cord remains.  You feel.  You hear my panic.  You come; comfort and feed me with you life blood.

I am calmed.  I am reassured.  My trust grows as I feel the certainty of your presence and response.  I cease to even have to think.  Your love is taken as a given, like the rising of the sun in the morning.   Your love is the smile of pleasure when we meet.

PRAYER:  I thank you for your perfect constant love for us.

Fifth Sunday in lent

Merkel in the Chagall state hall of Israel's parliament
 just before giving her speech to the Knesset 2008.

 Foto: Getty Images

• You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour.
• You shall not covet.

Lent 28 - Love Perseveres II HAPPY BIRTHDAY FRANCES

Didier Viodé, Run 9, 2022. Source: www.artsy.net

 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

What an incredible verse!  We all live by the power of hope.  People who say they have no faith do not realise that they do have hope.  We are blessed because the hope is put within us.  Habakkuk 13:17-18 says...

Though the fig tree does not bud

    and there are no grapes on the vines,

though the olive crop fails

    and the fields produce no food,

though there are no sheep in the pen

    and no cattle in the stalls,

18 

yet I will rejoice in the Lord,

    I will be joyful in God my Saviour.

This is a miracle.  Hope is place within us.  It is not a false hope based on crossed fingers.  This hope is given by the one who is there at the end of time, and has seen the whole story.  It's a plot spoiler.

 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.  This is what the ancients were commended for.

By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible. Hebrews 11:1-3

PRAYER: I treasure the hope that you have put within my heart.

This picture reminds me of my favourite school building- Evelyn Grace Academy in Lambeth.

Credit: ArchDaily

Lent 27 - Love Perseveres

Endurance by Renee Mendell
Credit: stewart-gallery.co.uk

 He remembered us in our low estate

His love endures forever. 

and freed us from our enemies.

His love endures forever. 

He gives food to every creature.

His love endures forever. 

Give thanks to the God of heaven.

His love endures forever.

Psalm 136 23-26

All I truly know is this; the words of Jesus; "I will never leave you or forsake you." 

Only hold onto these words if you know them to be true.  How do I know they are true?  Have I ever felt left and forsaken.  There I time when I have wondered, but then I was realised I was wrong.  I have been in states when there is no way I could have summonsed up this belief.  Like the children of Israel, I have a list of times to remind me when it get dark, of years of wonderful faithfulness.  

PRAYER:  Thank you for loving me.

Lent 26 - Love Hopes II

Andrea del Sarto 1528
Holy Family. St John passes the orb (or world) to Christ
The Met Art Gallery- New York

1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was with God in the beginning. 3 Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. 4 In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. 5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. John 1

When a young couple conceive their first child, they are full of hope for their child/children (twins?) They imagine what joy is ahead.  They hear tiny feet, and fun and laughter.  Baby can't do much to begin with, but the belief exists that the future will be different. We believe in a wonderful future, one of exploring the world, and connecting.

Some couples are given a message of no hope however. Destruction of the foetus may be discussed.  Sadness and worry about the future pervades their spirit.  What should they do?

The Creator must have also have felt joy when they created life, and put us into a special relationship with them.  But they must have known the full story before they started, right to the very end.  And they still went ahead.  This is a message of hope.

PRAYER:  Thank you Lord for believing in me.

Lent 25 - Love Hopes

Eaglein the Sky  by Frank Weston
Benson 1918 Cleveland Museum of Art
clevelandart.org

But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31

A colleague of mine had her five month scan.  Her third child is growing within her.  We bring our children into the world full of wonder and hope.  We wonder what they will get up to?  What experiences they will have?  What they will achieve?  We hope that they will be well, joyful and loved.

When the Creator brought life into the planet we call home, was this full of the same yearning?  Initially the hope was that our relationship with the Creator would be enough, and life would be fulfilled.  We wanted more, and so we set off one pace from the track.  Soon we lost our way, forgetting our birth rite.  We stumbled and fell.  Battered and broken the Creator picked up us.  As with divorce, a wound had occurred.  The relationship was marred.   But the Creator was not satisfied with this half-life.  The error had to be corrected.  To know that for  life in all it's fullness, you must be 'married again'.  The union is freely offered to us again.  The marriage costs are covered.  All we must say is 'I do'.  This is a commitment for a lifetime.  It will come into it's own in the next world.

PRAYER:  I willingly rush to you, by Lord, saviour and friend.

Lent 24 - Trusts II

Credit:Freepik.com 

 ‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’ Jeremiah 33:3

I am in the flow of the river, and pulled along by it's consistent motion.  This is the Spirit of the Creator.  I have chosen to swim into the centre of this river.  It's thrilling, taking me forward.  I remember meeting Cathy Corbett-Jones.  She was newly married to a young vicar in Sydney.  She described how it is the Australian dream to travel the world, and she knew they would not be able to do this because her husband's salary was not that great, and she was expecting a baby.  She told me that she trusted the Lord, and felt that she would see amazing things, even if this was to be in heaven.  She would not be missing anything.

My pastor has done amazing things on not much of a salary.  He has flown in a MAF plane just above the tree canopy in Congo, visiting Pentecostal churches deep in the interior.  He has had experiences you cannot buy.

PRAYER:  I put you first and trust that I have made the right decision.